steak – All those Jokes that people send me

Ernie, Ernie, Ernie!

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…..so, I took her to a gas station…..
And that’s how the fight started….
*********************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that’s how the fight started.
************************************************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’.
And that’s how the fight started…..

Will I Live to be 80?

From Gina:

Some times you just have to ask yourself ” Will I live to be 80?”

I recently chose a new primary care physician.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”

He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?”
“No,” I replied. “I don’t do drugs, either.”

Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said, “No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!”

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, fishing or relaxing at the beach?”
“No, I don’t,” I said.

He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t do any of those things.”

He then looked at me and asked,

“Then why do you give a shit?