Categories
old retirement

The Hypnotist…oh my

From Edel:

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed:

“I’m here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.”

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat

“I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. It’s been in my family for six generations.”

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,

“Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch.”

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces …

“SHIT”

said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center !

Categories
drink

Water or Wine?

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E-coli) bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember:

Water = Poop

Wine = Health.

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of s–t.

There’s no need to thank me for this valuable information; I’m doing it
as a public service.