Tag: plane

Categories
politics religion

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London

From Ernie:

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London.

One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.. Just before take-off, a rabbi sat down in the aisle seat.

After take-off the rabbi kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, ‘I need to get up and get a coke.’ ‘Don’t get up,’ said the rabbi, ‘I’m in the aisle seat, I’ll get it for you.’
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the rabbi`s shoe and spat in it. When the Rabbi returned with the coke, the other Arab said, ‘That looks good. I’d really like one, too.’

Again, the rabbi obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the rabbi`s other shoe and spat in it.

When the rabbi returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the rabbi slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbours:

‘Why does it have to be this way?

‘How long must this go on?

‘This fighting between our nations?

‘This hatred?

‘This animosity?

‘This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?’

Categories
drink irish religion tasteless

Paddy went travelling

And a few more from Edel about Paddy travelling:

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink.
He replied in disgust ‘I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!’
Paddy handed his drink back & said ‘Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!’

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks ‘How many people are flying with you?’
Paddy replies ‘I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!’

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/12/16/paddy-went-travelling/

Categories
animals blonde

Horse Potty

And another great joke from Ernie! This must be the anti-blonde blonde joke!

A Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move. ‘You know,’ he says, ‘I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let’s talk.’

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy,

‘What would you like to discuss?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ says the guy. ‘How about nuclear power?’

‘OK,’ says the blonde. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff–grass. Yet the deer excretes  little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?’

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, ‘I haven’t the slightest idea.’

‘So tell me,’ says the blonde, ‘How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit.’

Categories
kids sex

Baby Planes

One from Ernie:
A mother and her small son were flying Southwest Airlines from Dallas to Houston. The son (who had been looking out the window), turned to his mother and asked,

“If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer), told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the  stewardess, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The stewardess responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me that question?” The boy admitted that this was the case.

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes at Southwest because Southwest always pulls out on time –now let your mother explain that to you.”