From Edel:
Tag: husband
And one from Diane!
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife
‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!’
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
‘What the Hell is this??’
he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out.
‘April,’
he hollered into the bathroom,
‘why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?’
She replied …
‘It’s not talcum powder…It’s ‘Miracle Grow‘
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession, a funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first.
Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog.
Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line!
The man couldn’t stand his curiosity.
He approached the man walking with the dog.
“I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?”
The man replied
“Well, that first coffin is for my wife.”
What happened to her??!
The man replied
“My dog attacked and killed her.”
He inquired further
“Well, who is in the second coffin?”
The man answered
“My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also.”
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the first one asks in excitement
“Can I borrow the dog?”
The man replied
“Join the queue.”
Categories
The Perfect Man
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”
Passenger: “Who?”
Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right – all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”
Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”
Cabbie: “There’s more…….He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.
But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”
Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.”
Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake.”
Passenger: “Mmm, there’s not many like him around.”
Cabbie: “And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – he was the perfect man!
He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”
Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank.”
Passenger: “Then how do you know so much about him?”
Click to see the punch line! 🙂
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving At him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, ‘Do you know me? ‘
To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says,
‘My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made Love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your Partner whipped my butt with wet celery?
She looks into his eyes and says calmly