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american hell politics

Voting – Strictly Non-Partisan

Non-partisan? Politically correct? We’ll see!:)

THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES!
NOT ONLY THAT? IT IS POLITICALLY CORRECT!!

While walking  down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and  dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the  entrance.

 “Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,”
says the man.

 “Well, I’d like to, but I  have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend  eternity.”

“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,”
  says the senator.

 “I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with  that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down  to hell. The doors open and he finds  himself in the middle of a green  golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it  are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with  him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet  him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had  while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and  then dine on lobster, caviar  and  champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone  gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator  rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door  reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

 “Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of  contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

 “Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and  another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The senator reflects  for a minute, then he answers:
  “Well, I would never have said it  before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of  the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with  waste and  garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
 “I don’t understand,” stammers the senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great  time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,

“Yesterday we were campaigning…… Today you voted!

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irish weather

Irish Weather

A curious fellow died one day and found himself in limbo waiting in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood here, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven. Others were led over to Satan, who threw them into a lake of fire. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss him or her to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow’s curiosity got the better of him. He strolled over and tapped Old Nick on the shoulder.

“Excuse me, there, Your Darkness,” he said. “I ‘m waiting in line for judgment, and I couldn’t help wondering why you are tossing some people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?”

“Ah,” Satan said with a grin. “Those are the Irish. I’m letting them dry out so they’ll burn.”