From Ernie:
Lovemaking Tips for Oldsters
1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes — in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF and close the shades)
4. Make sure you put 9-1-1 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.
6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.