Tag: drink

Categories
drink family funny irish

Irish whiskey

From Ilya:

This guy comes into a bar and orders three separate shots of Irish whiskey. He downs one, engages in casual conversation with the bartender, eventually finishing the other two. This goes on for a few days and the bartender finally says,

“You know, I can put all three shots in one glass for you.”

The other gentleman replies,

“No, I prefer it this way. See, I’m very close to my two brothers. They’re both in Ireland now and this represents a drink for each of us. This way I can be closer to them and feel like we are all having a drink together.”

The bartender agrees and continues to set them up as requested. This goes on for several months, and then one day, the guy orders two shots. Well the bartender begins to worry that maybe something has happened to one of his brothers. He’s gotten to know this guy over the month and finally feels it necessary to ask.

“Is everything alright?”

the bartender asked.

“What do you mean?”

replied the gentleman. The bartender said,

“Well, all these months you’ve ordered three drinks. Now you’ve only ordered two. Something didn’t happen to one of your brothers, did it?”

“No, they’re okay. It’s just that I quit drinking.”

Categories
drink funny

Drinking rules

And from Ilya, all about the rules of the pub:

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably
during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a
slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half
martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and
two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

Continue reading “Drinking rules”
Categories
nuns priest religion

Ted Fest!

As we’ve had so many Father Ted video’s I thought I should mention Ted Fest!

We have photographs from the Ray Foley Show. A review from the Englush Independent newspaper. And a slideshow from the Guardian newspaper, along with news coverage.

Scores of apparently inebriated priests, the odd pope and cigarette-puffing nuns converged on Inis Mor off the west coast of Ireland at the weekend. They mingled with a multitude of aspiring Mrs Doyles.

The clerical collars and dubious habits were for the first ever Father Ted festival, convened to perpetuate the Channel 4 sitcom. The main attraction was staged yesterday afternoon on the foreshore inside Kilronan Harbour, where two five-a-side football teams – one from Inis Mor, the other from nearby Inis Oirr – competed to win their island the title of Craggy Island, Father Ted’s fictional parish. Crowds in dog collars and wimples cheered the game, which was won 2-0 by Inis Mor. The Irish betting firm Paddy Power had taken bets on the outcome as well as on the festival’s Lovely Girls contest.

Categories
irish religion

Heaven?

More from Ciaran Mc:

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

The man said, ‘I do, Father.’

The priest said, ‘Then stand over there against the wall.’

Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

‘Certainly, Father,’ was the man’s reply.

‘Then stand over there against the wall,’ said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

O’Toole said, ‘No, I don’t Father.’

The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’

O’Toole said, ‘Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.’

Categories
priest religion

Four Worms and a lesson

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.


Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

  • The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
  • The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
  • The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
  • The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.



The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead



Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead



Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation –

What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

‘As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’

That pretty much ended the service —

Categories
drink work

What ever office needs.

Beer Cooler. Heineken copyright by Heineken, NL.

Categories
drink

Retirement Planning

From Dora:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Let people you care about know… and tell them to Start Now!!!

Categories
american drink girls

A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a Girl from Michigan

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink from the same glass twice.”

An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

The Michigan girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi, and catches her glass. She says

“In Michigan we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.”

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/02/21/a-mexican-an-iraqi-and-a-girl-from-michigan/

Categories
drink

Water or Wine?

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E-coli) bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember:

Water = Poop

Wine = Health.

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of s–t.

There’s no need to thank me for this valuable information; I’m doing it
as a public service.

Categories
drink funny irish men sausage sex

Irish Sausage

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said “Hang on, I have an idea.”

He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Seamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!”

Murphy replied, “Don’t worry – just follow me.”

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whiskey.

Seamus said “Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!”

Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don’t worry, I have a plan, Cheers!”

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.”

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Seamus said “Murphy – I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killin’me!”

Murphy said:

“How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.