Tag: car

Two Crocodiles …

From Gina in Flordia, and she should know about ‘gators! 🙂

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, ‘I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.’

‘Well,’ said the big Croc, ‘what have you been eating?’

‘Politicians, same as you,’ replied the small Croc.

‘Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?’

‘Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.’

‘Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?’

‘Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!’

‘Ah!’ says the big Crocodile, ‘I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase

Tags asshole, breifcase, capitol, car, crocodiles, gators, gina, lake, lexus, nourishment, Politicians, politics, shite, swamp

american drink men women

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

Ernie keeps rolling them out:

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren’t married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

‘What in bag?’ asked the old woman .

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, ‘It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.’

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.Â Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

Tags arizone, car, driving, elderly, ernie, married, men, navajo, road, wine, woman

american women

INDIANS DON’T USE SADDLES….

Post author By thejoker
Post date September 22, 2008
No Comments on INDIANS DON’T USE SADDLES….

Ernie’s really been forwarding out the jokes recently:
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a’ so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final ‘Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!’ and rode off.

‘What did you do to get that Indian so excited?’ asked the service-station attendant. ‘Nothing,’ the woman answered.

‘I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.’

‘Lady,’ the attendant said, ‘Indians don’t use saddles’ !!!!!!!!!!

Tags american indian, bare back, car, ernie, horn, horse, horseback, indian, lady, native americans, saddle, town

medicine old

AAADD

Post author By thejoker
Post date May 15, 2008
No Comments on AAADD

From Diane:

AAADD

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS ….. PLEASE READ!

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back

on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,

since I’m going to be near the mailbox

when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,

Continue reading “AAADD”

Tags aaadd, age, Age Activated, Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder, Attention, baffled, bills, car, car keys, check book, cheque book, coke, counter, Deficit, diane, Disorder, driveway, elderly, forget, forgetfulness, garage, garden, glasses, hose, junk mail, junkmail, keys, kitchen, mail, mailbox, old, pepsi, porch, post, postbox, problem, SYMPTOMS, tv

animals drink funny

Conundrum

Edel was OOO for a few days, good to see she’s back at work and being productive! 🙂

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a ‘drop off’, the ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are travelling on, and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Tags car, drunk, edel, fire engine, fire truck, funfair, horse, merry-go-round, pissed, zebra

british car funny irish

Car for sale!

And a funny one from Peter! Not sure if this is really, for real, or even in Ireland, the lighthouse doesn’t look like the style of lighthouse in Ireland. And the photograph looks kinda doctored, as the rocks and cliffs look very clear, but the rest of the island looks blurry.

Read text first!
The following is an actual advertisement in an Irish Newspaper..!

1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf

Only 15 km

Only first gear and reverse used

Never driven hard

Original tires

Original brakes

Original fuel and oil

Only 1 driver Owner

Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off

Please see Attached photoâ€¦.. (scroll down to the next page)

Wait for itâ€¦..

This is goodâ€¦â€¦.

Tags car, car for sale, ireland, irish, island, lighthouse, newspaper, peter, sale, vw

AAADD

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS ….. PLEASE READ!

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back

on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,

since I’m going to be near the mailbox

when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, Continue reading “AAADD”

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

I take my check book off the table,

Continue reading “AAADD”