Category: marriage

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marriage men women

The Man Rules

This one is from Ravi:

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all downFinally, the guys’ side of the story.( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)We always hear “the rules” from the female side.Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

  • Let us be clear on this one:
  • Subtle hints do not work!
  • Strong hints do not work!
  • Obvious hints do not work!
  • Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

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fortune funny marriage men women

One-liners!

And a couple of one-liners from Fortune!

You think Oedipus had a problem — Adam was Eve’s mother.

“All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands.”
— Saint Patrick

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girls marriage women

A little Detective

And from Edel:

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend’s house for a play date:

“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied. “It’s not polite.”

“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”

“Now really,” the mother says, “those are personal questions and are really none of your business.”

Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”

“That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!!”

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

“My Mom won’t tell me anything about her,” the little girl says to her friend.

“Well,” says the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.”

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are, you are 32.”

The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?

“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.”

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. “How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

“And,” the little girl says triumphantly,”I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

“Oh really?” the mother asks. “Why?”

Continue reading “A little Detective”

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animals dog funny marriage men mother-in-law women

Mother-in-law

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession, a funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first.

Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog.

Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line!

The man couldn’t stand his curiosity.

He approached the man walking with the dog.

“I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?”

The man replied

“Well, that first coffin is for my wife.”

What happened to her??!

The man replied

“My dog attacked and killed her.”

He inquired further

“Well, who is in the second coffin?”

The man answered

“My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also.”

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the first one asks in excitement

“Can I borrow the dog?”

The man replied

“Join the queue.”

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health marriage men old sex women

Coffee and viagra

A mature woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband’s sex drive.

“Have you considered trying Viagra?” asks the doctor.

“Not a chance, ” says Mrs. Murphy. “He won’t even take an aspirin for a headache.”

“No problem– there’s away around that, ” replies the doctor. “Drop it into his coffee — he won’t even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.”

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and the doctor inquires as to how things went.

“Oh doctor, it was horrible, horrible, horrible!”

“What happened?” asks the doctor, aghast.

“Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, ripped my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was horrible!”

“What was horrible?” asked the doctor. “Was the sex not fulfilling?”

“Oh no, doctor, the sex was the best I’ve had in 25 years. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to show my face at Starbucks again!”