Categories
funny men women

Do you know me?

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving At him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, ‘Do you know me? ‘

To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says,

My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made Love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your Partner whipped my butt with wet celery?

She looks into his eyes and says calmly

No, I’m your son’s teacher.

Categories
funny

International Disturbed People’s Day

And from Edel:

Today is International Disturbed People’s Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend.. just as I’ve done.
I don’t care if you lick windows, see dead people, or occasionally pee yourself…

Nurse for Disturbed People

You hang in there sunshine, you’re Bloody special.

Categories
funny men women work

A young guy from Minnesota

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?

The kid says “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota.

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it After the store was locked up, the boss came to see him. “How many customers bought something from you today?

The kid says “One“.

The boss says “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?

The kid says, “$101,237.65.

The boss says, “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?”

The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK? Is that right?”

The kid answered

“No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot; you should go fishing.'”

Categories
english

Two English businessmen in London

From Gina:

Two English businessmen in London – were sitting down for a break in their soon to be new store. As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other,

‘I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.’

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Irishman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Irish accent asked

‘What are you selling’ here

One of the men replied sarcastically,

‘We’re selling arse-holes.’

Without skipping a beat, the Irishman said,

‘You are doing well … Only two left!’

Englishmen – God bless them – should not mess with Irishmen

Categories
american drink girls

A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a Girl from Michigan

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink from the same glass twice.”

An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

The Michigan girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi, and catches her glass. She says

“In Michigan we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.”

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/02/21/a-mexican-an-iraqi-and-a-girl-from-michigan/

Categories
bunny

Superbunny!

Superman (by bunnys) in 30 seconds.

Categories
drink

Water or Wine?

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E-coli) bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember:

Water = Poop

Wine = Health.

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of s–t.

There’s no need to thank me for this valuable information; I’m doing it
as a public service.

Categories
car men women

Women Drivers……..a man’s view !!!

This one’s from Edel:

Driving to the office this morning on the M-50 , I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to the mirror putting on her eyeliner!!!! Shocked, I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was still putting on the make up but drifting halfway into my lane!!

It scared me so much (and this coming from a bloke….) that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the cheese roll out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fell in to the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL.

F***ing Women Drivers!!!!!!!

Categories
drink girls

Girls gone bad!

Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she decided to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women’s husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said,

“These girl nights have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect the worst… my wife came home with no panties!!”

“That’s nothing”

said the other husband,

“Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said… “From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll never forget you.”

Categories
belgium video

Belge Side Story

This is actually pretty funny (if your a fan of the film West Side Story). A Belgium version of call Belge Side Story; the French speakers with their frites versus the Flemish speakers and their mussels:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3pzhv_belge-side-story_fun


Belge side story
Uploaded by Indyiv

Found via I prefer Paris.